i hate uncertainties..

i never like uncertainties cuz they make me feel worried and stressed out...i dunno how to deal with stress even though ppl thought i'm great in it... sorry... i dun like to cheat, i juz dunno how to handle stress properly.. i'm nth different from a kid in dealing with stress...before thinking ways to solve problems, i will start to cry 1st....then think thousand of the bad consequences for that problem... try to magnify the problem even though it's jz minor case or it can be solved... making myself living in fear....such a idiot, right??

here, i would like to say thank you to my frenz who kept reassuring me when i turned to them.thx for be my ears for those idiot problems.. thz a lot!! maybe i dun deserve for ur patience and sincerity...

y cant i be rational when facing problems...y cant i be more tough and mature?? i dun think i have any wisdom!

the more i understand myself, the more i felt disappointed towards myself...

i cant take challenges, i resist to changes, i hate to solve problems... can i survive well then with this kind of attitude???

guess not...haiz...suffered!!!

thx to u!!

i know tat v shuld never ask for the same feedback when v giv a hand for others or simply treat them nice, i know that.......

however, is it reasonable if i juz wan he or she(well, let's call he or she as miss x) be appreciated my help?? ll tat be too much??

how come miss x ll never appreciate ppl's help?? though she ll keep say thx....but i doubted did she say that sincerely???

i like to share good thgs with frens....thus i always give delicious food for my frens to try , including miss x.well, as i said...she ll say THANK YOU in return... i tot she say that fr the bottom of her heart... til yesterday, i knew i was wrong. my fren has da pau sth for miss x and me.... and i juz pick one tiny kuih from miss x to try under my fren's request to taste whether it's delicious or not.....miss x's reaction was :wei....u r 2 much la...tat's my dinner....!!!

wow.....how generous u r, miss x!!! u stil hav a whole corn in ur hand.....and many many kuih left sum more. i juz took one.....ur dinner was bought by other and i tried it under her request....did that offense u too??? ur face r really thick then.

erm.....tat's small case. juz wana say that miss x never mean it seriously when she said thx to u. and sometimes even worse, she take ur help as granted. she ll always think that helping her out is part of my job....though i'm not free and bc with my own stuffs. if u say u cant help her out....she ll straight throw all d tempers on u and complaint in front of others ,saying that i'm x helpful and considerate....

haiz...so frustrating.....do u considerate then???how could u simply saying sth bad but false in front of others????

i feel heavy sometimes to carry ur duty on my shoulder....is time for u to stand on ur own 2 feet. and, plz, miss x, dun fa qiao and "de" me....i ald try my best to hold my impulse to slap ur face, dun ignite my impulse!!!!

i wanna be air stewardess when i graduate!!

seriously!! i mean it!!

dun ask me the reason!! cuz i dunno y too!!

i juz wanna be air stewardess!!

thus, i wanna keep s slim s i can.and.....become prettier and prettier!!! seems like a bit impossible....well.., life is full of miracles, let's make impossible become possible!!

ganbade!!!!

this is a very cute kid i met in sleeping buddha temple in Tumpat, Kelantan...very cute... presenting to u.....

he's so cute!!!!

one litres of tears..

A litres of tears... an inspiring japanese drama!! in fact, it is the most touching drama ever!!

i still rmb that when i was stil a kid, i had such a thought before that was how nice it could be to sit on a wheel chair then i can go any where i want effortless... after watching that, if i could turn back time, i wish some one could merely slap me... for my unforgivable stupidity...i'm juz nth but a simpleton!! i never knew that ppl who sit on the wheel chair r actually wanna walk or juz stand on their own 2 feet so badly!!! i never treassure my ability..i'm a bastard!!

i always complaint so and so.... frens, the environment i stayed, preassure from study...and lossa lossa things!!! meanwhile, all these things that i'm not satisfied with r actually things that always dreamed by other ppl...they feel satisfied juz to know their hearts r beating..they r stil breathing.. they r stil useful to the community.. they can stil do sth... after seeing the drama , i realised i'm useless bastard. i own so much of things and yet i stil dunno how to treassure them but juz kept complaint!

yesterday...i told bing tat i wanna quit studying here and be a stewardess... the 1st reaction she gave me was, 2 question! "do u tall enuff?"  "is there any air line wanna hire u?"

i didn't blame on her for not being supportive!! wat she said were true!!and i knew she said so is bcs she understands me so well. i guess she knew i quit USM is bcs i wanna avoid some ppl ...which is so so so so unworthy!!

and today, when i was in an activity, i met some gals which r from other campus...i talked to them and i found out sth!! they wanna study dietetics so badly!!! this course is their 1st choice but they juz failed to get it!!!! i dun even dare to tell them i planned to quit...bcs of what?? bcs of i can't handle my social life. so stupid ar!!!if i tell them the truth, ll they slap on me?? they definitely could hav do so!!

i hate myself...i hate my attitude so much...everything is took for granted!! i never learn to appreciate things i possessed. when ll i grow up??? when ll i become immune to all the uncertainties, sadness, and problems?? when??

cherish the every single moment u have...feel satisfied everyday cuz u r still alive!!!

so down!!!!

i'm so down......totally losing ground. feel like being betrayed!!! my best fren is becoming best fren for a person who i strongly dislike. however, my best fren do know how i feel bout that person and yet she's still getting closer and closer with her....gosh...heartbreaks....

i've cried for dunno how long in eunice's room yesterday and finally i even slept at her room. i know i'm not mature... still like a kid...cry like hell once i met problem. but what to do ?? i can't control my tears if they r insisiting of coming out...

can i change course to medic?? so that i can hav all my frens to be with me all day long, like bing, eunice, carynn, mei ee... i feel much much more comfortable to be with them...

devastating... my mind is totally unstructured!!! feel sick!!! hope everything ll be turn out fine and i keep finger crossed that i ll be getting stronger and stronger...

a rui.... i miss u so much!!!once again, i hate the government policy!!! if not of the pilih kasih policy, how come rui fail to get a place in usm to study dietetics??? everything is wrong!!!